| Go deeper into your cave... |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
I consider that I havent written in livejournal for sometime. A long time. Perhaps too long. I do in a sense miss this form of expression; writting can be a cathartic process for ideas and emotions Im not really even aware of.
However, I havent posted. Im not sure, my mind is very... cluttered, these days. Too much shit tumbling around out of order. Sometimes I walk around with a paper bag over my head.
I dont know. Something lurks. I am on the verge. I am 22. My program at N.A.I.T. will be over in one month. Im gonna be moving out of my house soon. Im gonna have to get, what will be for the first time in life, a real job.
I dont really want to. I just wanna write songs, play my synthesizers... maybe learn how to play guitar. I gotta admit, all I really want to do is play music.
I mean, its not that Im uphappy with the proffesion Ive chosen. It fits my appititude very well, and there are plenty of opportunities for me to succeed in thie field. I also look forward to the independance that making more money will bring.
I suppose I am apprehensive. The future looms, and right now I feel more like leaves in the wind rather than an individual determining his own course and actions. Im not sure what I need to do either to stop this either. Change is coming quickly and I want to be defining factor in that change, rather than being defined by the change.
I need to fucking check my head. But I dont really know how. I suppose if I was being honest with myself, I would probably suggest that I stop smoking weed, or reduce my intake drastically. I can almost sense it sapping my energy, creativity, intelligence, and replacing it with a foggy haze. But perhaps it is in combination with other factors, diet, stress, lack of proper sleeping habits, ect. I have smoked weed for years and I certainly have not felt this way about it always. At times in my life its been quite the opposite. However, as this school year has progressed, it seems that while the percieved benefits of smoking marajuana have decreased, my consupmtion has been inversely proportionate. Pretty fucken obvious what good thats gonna do me...
So this leads me back to myself. A personal action. The existentialist definition of what I want my life to be. But I feel powerless to take that action.
I need to find my power animal. |
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| Remembrance Day |
[Nov. 11th, 2004|02:53 pm] |
Hmmmmm. Well, I just I read a nice entry about remembrance day on a friends journal, and I thought I might say my piece on it.
Throughout history, millions upon millions have give their lives for some cause. Some just, some unjust. Many died far away from home, fighting for reasons they did not understand.
Its hard, living in a first world country that has never really known true war to exsist within its boundaries (not for a few hundred years anyway), for me to connect with how these people must have felt going to war. I cannot concieve of giving up everything and everyone I love to go fight. Leaving the one I love behind, or being the loved one left behind, not knowning whether or not they had been killed in battle. And the terror, or what I cannot not percieve to be otherwise, the terror of battle. To be trying to kill other human beings, while they try to kill you. Whoever kills more wins.
Its something... I just cant understand. The men who make wars are not usually the men who fight wars. Those who fight and those who die, all are victims. Victims of something they could not control.
Today in Canada marks the remembrance to those who died in WW2. Today however, I honor everyone who has every fought and died for reasons beyond their control. |
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| All Hail King Ralph! |
[Nov. 11th, 2004|09:47 am] |
*ammendment. While I stand by (most of) my opinions, I must conceede that Ralph Klien's government has had a negative impact on some peoples lives. Perhaps alot. I cannot defend this. Perhaps King Raplh doesnt really deserve the title*
Its election time here in Alberta. That means its time for knee-jerk liberals and left-wingnuts to demonize our leadership... not that they dont all the time, but around election time the rhetoric steps up.
"Raplh Klien will destroy our healthcare system!"
"Ralph Klien is a fascist pig!"
"Ralph Klien raped my mother while restraining her with bags of money he robbed from orphans with diseases!"
Get over it people. Canadians are so incredibley ignorant, and quite frankly, arrogant, about our healthcare system. "Universal Healthcare for all! All public institutions, privatization will be the end of us!!". Give your head a shake goddamnit. Our healthcare system aint all that. In fact, if we look to Japan or Germany, their public healthcare system which is supported by publicly funded private operators, well their systems pee all over Canadian healthcare.
The system is broke. Mabey it doesnt seem like it, but in 30 years, running status quo... were gwan be fucked. It needs fixing, straight up. Monetary injections will not produce a sustainable system unless we make changes to how that system operates and how the money is distributed.
Why is it that Albertan liberals (read Edmontonians) are so emotionally irrational when it comes to Ralph Klien? People hate him, for reasons that they often cannot articulate beyond "He is bad". People are spoon fed propaganda about some evil tyrant bent on the destruction of our province for his personal gain, and they just eat that shit up.
Especially young people. The 16-24 crowd is particullary militarized against Mr. Klien. Seems stupid to me. Its our future (the young people) that is being provided for, its our lives that will be improved by the actions of the conservative gonverment over the past 12 years (is it 12 years??? I think so).
Seriosuly, you dont the conservatives, move to BC or perhaps out east to the maritimes. See how well NDP government has provided for its people. The BC economy is in the shitter because of the polices and direction that the NDP government took it. Straight up.
Anyway, I write this as an open entry, inviting the deluge of anti ralph, anti conservative, "you are a baby killer", comments that will undoubtedly follow from a community that is predominanetly left-wing.
This election, I am voting Conservative... just try to change my mind.
All Hail King Ralph!!! |
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| LMAO |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|08:18 pm] |
Is it wierd if you laugh at your own jokes??? I mean, in real life its good, it helps create the humour (dead pan and sarcasm aside). Some people have infectious laughs that you cannot help join in.
I think that perhaps that affect is lost over the internet, and I just seem like some sad loser in a dark room, home alone, laughing to himself.
lol
LMAO LOL LOTFLMAO
LMAO
Oh no! I just laughed my ass off!
LOL |
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| The Tesseract |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|10:32 am] |
The Tesseract
All songs written and produced by me
Empryean
Alter Ego
Push
Abstraction
Habit
MKULTRA
Killbots
Out of the Silent Planet
The Tesseract
total playtime - 52:04
This is the playlist of the album I am currently compiling. It is an amagalmation of years and years of work, also featuring some brand new productions Im quite happy with. There is still a fair bit of work to be done on the album... the title track is still unfinished and I will be remastering and remixing most of the songs. Its gonna take me a while, but I hope to have it done by December.
Its all heavly drum and bass influenced, but very much my own style. Over the past few months have really been able to clearly define my creative proccess into something that I can really be proud of; something original, different, interesting. While my music is too much for some people, what with the darkness and experimental nature of some of the tracks, but I love it.
I have made music for many many years, but never finished an entire album. I am very much determined to complete this work, to have a lasting monument to my creativity. So many forms of expression of transient and I want what I do to have permanence. Therefore, I must complete this album! This entry is a reminder of that for myself.
Wish me luck as I dive head first into what will undoubtedly be a huge proccess. I will post some songs online a I complete the finished product. |
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| Live election day coverage from my brain |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|05:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | boh selecta rinse out | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rinse out boh selecta | ] |
Its a strange thing today. Today the election of one man, in one soverign nation far away from most of the worlds population, this one election will have great impact on the entire course of world history over the next 4 years that the government will be in office.
Never before has a single event been so clearly defined in its importance. Most things that change history, well, nobody reliezes it untill after its all over and the dust has settled. Later, when the historians sift backwards through time they unravel the causes the effects in the massive chain of events to try to understand what happened.
But not here. Straight up, its obvious to most how critically this election will impact the world. It seems that our world is at a point of great change, or at least great pressure. I dont adhere to dooms day philosophies, but it does seem that unless problems in the world improve within the next 10 years, the shitstorm will exponentially grow to become disatourous.
No matter who wins today, people many years from now will be able to look back to this exact point in time and say, "this is where its happened". I dont mean to be melodramatic, but its true! America has become so fundamentally polazired in its political spectrum, the divide between Bush and Kerry supporters so great that there will be no bridge between them. Bush would steer his country in one direction and Kerry would another. Given that this is by huge amounts the most power country in the world, at what is perhaps the most turbulent time since the world wars, its clear that the entire world will be influenced by who wins.
It really blows my mind. As little as 500 years ago, most people didnt care what exsisted 50 miles beyond the place of their birth and there was no need to. Far and away places had no effect on your life, very little did outside a limited raidus of influnce. But now, one man in one country will be given a sphere of influence that streches the entire globe. Every man woman and child.
Is this the future? Is this man progressing for the better? Again, Im not a pessimist, but the rosey vision of a better humanity (as best portrayed by Star Trek), well.... looking at where we are right here and now, I dunno if I see it coming. Im more of the belief that while our surrondings have changes, man has intrinstically remained of the same moral character (as oppose to slowly progressing to something better, or declining morally and socially into corruption and our eventual destruction). I mean, sure, theres alot of bad shit going on these days, but there always has been. As long as man has exsisted there has been these things, in some form... I think the only that has changed is the depth and range on these things. Long ago we killed to eat and had sex to reproduce. Now we kill because of hate and anger, fuck because of lust and love. Our motivations have changed, or at least become intensely complex due to ego and emotions, but have we really changed?? I dont really think so. Weve just expaneded the depth of emtional and mental content within the actions we take. Perhaps one day our capcity for love and hate will be so great that we will destroy ourselves, and so regardless of whether or not this is a detiorating situation (as many do truly believe) we are heading towards the end. Perhaps I am full of shit. Regardless, we are still organisms bent on survival, something that has been an intrinsic part of our ascent to this postion of mastery over the planet. We are orgainsims tied to basic needs and fundamental drives provided by our hypothalamous (I think its the hypothalamous, my brain phisiology is a bit blurry - in terms of my memorey of it, not my actually brain phisiology being off ................. uh.... right)
Yes, we are still just another organism on this planet. albeit, an orgainsm chargeing a Darwinian warpath through the global ecosystem, dominating everything on this planet.
I dunno what the fuck the point of this entry is... I just wonder, where we are headed. What have we really achieved? I wonder, if you were to plot humanities ascent over its entire history, where are we??? Are we just a small jump in a graph arcing exponentially upwards? Or is this the peak of a large slope, with a fast drop down?
Does this mean anything???
Hmmmmmm. I think my biggest hope for death is understanding. Thats all I really want. |
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| I am the lizard queen!!! |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|08:45 pm] |
So, my computer suffered a complete and utter meltdown. I turned it on a couple days ago and it said “OPERATING SYSTEM NOT FOUND”. Wow. What a kick in the pants. This has happened before, but Ive been able to overcome the problem by merely restoring system default settings and rebooting the computer. This time however… my tricks did not work! After much thinking and tinkering and fiddling and fidgeting I determined that the hard drive was not being read by the computer; or at least this is what my information lead me to believe at the time.
Now, as one can imagine, I was quite distraught about this. Its not just loosing the computer that bothers me. See, Ive got years and years worth of music and sounds on my computer. Mabey its just a lot of unfinished junk that will never reach fruition…. but to lose it… oh woe! Woe to that which would call itself system faliue, how hath thine acrid taste filled my mouth! Lo, as betwixt mine only recourse- being that of reformatting and that of inaction, I could not bear to hasten, perchance I have but one more opportunity to backup my data. Ah but a mere megabyte of data, more precious than gold, I would not be spared!
I spent many fruitless hours in front of the computer, repeatedly being rejected by the ever so ominus "OPERATING SYSTEM NOT FOUND". I had given up all hope. Today, I walked dejectedly into the computer room, staring forlornly at the screen. I had come to say goodbye. I took the computer into my arms, and remembered all the good times. But as I reminisced over the past few years we spent together, I reliezed I just couldnt let go. As I softly caressed its gentle mousepad, a single tear rolled down my cheek and I whispered "You cant give up on me... I love you!"
As though as gift from the heavens, my crys of mercey were answered, and the computer awoke in my arms!
The doctors expect a complete recovery. Its a true mircale, I tells ya, a mircale from the lord je-sus. |
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| Im gonna shoot to the top and stay there... like Cindy Lauper!!! |
[Oct. 24th, 2004|07:04 pm] |
Blastfax kudos all round!
Ive been pretty busy lately, what with the schooling, and mcing, the radio show.
"Quite!"
"The busiest!"
"Yes sir!"
Ive gotten alot done. Made some good progress in many directions.
"Absolutey!"
"I concur!"
"Most excellent sir!"
Production has increased across the board. Market demand has skyrocketed in multiple sections. Weve really begun to grow the brand... were shitfting paradigms over here people!!!
"Yes sir!"
"100%!!!"
"Shifting paradigms, thats what were doing!"
*Hand shakes all around*
Yes, the future looks bright. Im so ahead of the game, tommorrow is today, and today is yesterday. Thats right.
My metafictional underlings have just informed me Ive got to synergize a revolution, doubleplus quick.
Ciao!
*Dun dun dee dee dun dun dun dee dee* |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|12:57 pm] |
My instructor just said "I am a firm believer in following the rules. I dont have to believe in them, but I will follow them"
It strikes me that I am quite different. If I dont believe in rules, I wont follow them. Straight up, I break 'em. Heres why:
Rules and laws are a way of imposing ethics and morals. Without ethics and morals, anti-social behaviour would make civilization an impossibility... a society of criminals and ruthless individualists could not stand. By this arguement, which I am prepared to accept, rises a general misconception about rules and law. This is the idea that the act of breaking the law precludes morality.
This is a fallicy, one which has risen from a society that focuses on conditional behaviours, rather than emphasising the individuals accountablity and ethics. Crime is a societal problem, this is true to some extent, but to take this idea and say that morality then becomes a societal responsiblity (one to be upheld by establishing law and rule) is not accurate. The truth is, morality may be required to follow rule and law, but following rule and law is not required for one to be moral.
But what exactly does it mean to be moral? Morality is hard to define, truly, as it changes from individual to individual, which to me gives way to the only possible definition. Morality is the standards and ethics to which one person holds themselves accountable. If we cannot say that all indivduals have the same morals, then we cannot hold other accountable to our own morals. .
If that is the case, then we cannot say that societal morals (represented by laws and rules) are inherently correct when in conflict with an individuals morals. Therefore, a person is not morally at fault for breaking the law. The only time that an individual is morally at fault would be when they break their own ethical standards, which I think happens alot more than most people will admit.
So where does that leave us? Well if by my position we cannot use morals as ay objective standard or measure, then you would be correct to ask, "how can you then define right and wrong?".
My answer is: you cant. Does right and wrong exsist? Well, sure, of course. Can we quanitfy them, hold them to a standard? Again, I say no.
So, morality is subjective, law and rule does not need to be followed, and right and wrong are undefined. How can we then function as a society?
Individuals, thats how. We cannot be a morally just and "good" society, but we can be a society of moral individuals who according to their own inherent beliefs will act in an altruistic fashion.
How can we be this society? Well, fuck, dont ask me, Im a thinker, never really been much of a do-er.
As often times will happen, philospohical logic has taken us to a point where what seems like intrinsicly understood human concepts will take on daunting complexity. To follow this train of thought to any resolution or to try and plug the gaps and holes in this disertation will be impossible as I am now completely mired in shades of grey. I will instead close with this:
As an individual our first moral responsibility is to ourselves, not to the rule of law. |
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| Music |
[Sep. 23rd, 2004|12:10 pm] |
So last night Logan and I worked on some more music. The current song we are working on is a really beautiful electronic/classical ting, lots of complex strings and insturmentation. Im really excited about it.
anyway, for the ease of my friends I have gotten the first D.Snow/L.Turner single up for download.
The song is called 'The Distance Between Us'. Written, recorded and produced in one massive 8 hour session. Its actually slightly imperfect, there is a minor timing flaw in a section of strings which we havent gotten around to fixing. Its pretty small, the musically inclinded will notce though... people either hear it immediately, or they are never able hear it even if it pointed out to them..
without further ado, a link my friends ftp.
ftp://houseunderground.no-ip.com
Enjoy! I welcome all feedback! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|06:12 pm] |
Trying to find Jesus?
He probably fell behind the couch.
Mabey you tried to keep him on the dash in your car,
and he fell out the window when you turned to sharp.
Mabey you tried to keep him with you where ever you went,
but people kept asking what was in your pocket.
Mabey you thought you could just keep some of him with you,
so you took him apart, but then the pieces wouldnt fit back together.
Mabey the blood ruined him when you beat that fag to death.
Its okay though, he isnt hard to find.
You can pickup a new saviour, just down at the store.
Dont buy in bulk though, that would be a sin. |
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| DSnow pon da mic |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|05:41 pm] |
Check it:
Me rocking the mic for the one and only AK1200.
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It occurs to me that no matter what happens in my life this is a time that I will reflect upon with pride. 20 years from now my life will probably be so different that it will be hard to imagine myself doing these things. Pictures are usually not the most important things to me, however I think these pictures will be important to hold onto.
( More Inside! ) |
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| Well, aint you a piece of work. |
[Sep. 19th, 2004|12:43 pm] |
It occurs to me that at one point in my life, Ive disappoitned pretty much single person Ive cared about. Really, this isnt some melodramatic exagerattion... most of my friends, my family, my girlfriend, all of them Ive let down on numerous occasions. I dont really care to do it again.
Yet, already I feel this balance between my responsibilites is precarious. Theres alot riding on these 2 years. Alot. If I fuck this up... well... Im not sure what Ill do. Ive already flubbed university, should this go ary as well... that would suck. I dunno... its been good so far, but it hasnt been the smoothest transiton back. I can feel that Im not doing the best I can, some of my habits and attitutudes will need to change along the way, or I might not be able to do this.
I recognize that my intelligence can be rendered impotent by the fact that I am a slacker by nature. I shirk hard work, avoid excsessive strain, except of course when its in the pursuit of lesiure. While there is work ethic buried in me somewhere, its not really surfaceing all that well. Im trying, but even still I dont think Im doing enough.
I should be studying right now..... |
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| LISTEN!!! |
[Sep. 16th, 2004|07:07 pm] |
HEY!
Check this, a website just launched for HouseUnderground. Check news, info and tons of audio sets from HouseUnderground FM raido shows, live sets, CD mixes and more! Boh! Rinse out!
More DSnow audio than anybody would ever really want to hear.
HOUSEUNDERGROUND |
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| By the power of RAH!!! |
[Sep. 16th, 2004|06:46 pm] |
Theres not enough time. Too many obligations, too many friends, too many things to do and too much shit to get done. Im feeling stretched lately.
But thats okay. Im marching inexorably toward a better future. Or so I am lead to believe. Yes, I suppose I have invested a fair amount of faith within my educational insitution. Faith that my money is well spent, faith that my education will provide me with valubale skills. I hope this faith is not misplaced.
I certainly dont have time to work on as much music as I would like. Which sucks, because my music has been going better than ever. Ive been involved in lots of different projects with different people... have made a bunch of downtempo and electroclash music with my amazingly talented friend Logan. Working on lots of new drumnbass tracks, also working on a drumnbass mix which I will be recording some vocals for. Ive also been dabbling into the hip-hop with another friend, the Dizzle E to the GEE o Ree EE the Izo.
I feel like Ive got so much to do, so much to say, and not enough time for it all. Musically, Im exploding with ideas, ideas that I cant find room to express.
and writing... dear god, thats exactly what I should be doing with my. For some unknown reason Ive begun writing a novella. Why? Dont know. But I am enjoying it... however (hopefully you have picked up on my theme by now) , I just dun have the time to work on it. Which is too bad. Ive always thought I had potential to write, and to write well. Its strange that as Ive gotten so busy I finally feel inspired to try. If I ever finish it, its gonna be a standard scifi-ish man vrs. society type story ala Brave New World and the like. This story will be a frankenstein of all the science fiction and philosphy of Ive ever read... I actually ripped the setting from an episode of Star Gate, but that really dosent bother me.
*sigh* no time. and I dont even have a job yet! which I need. cause I need money.
fuck!
8 hours of school a day. Then homework. Girlfriend. Music. Live shows. Friends within group 1. Friends within group 2. People I dont have time to be friends with.
all of these things compete for my time. Some are arguabley more improtant than others, but Im not one to make hard choices. Instead Im gonna try the massive juggling act, a delicate balance of the areas of my life will hopefully be possible. Then, the question remains, when will I ever relax? When Im sleeping, I guess.
Bitch, bitch, bitch. Being busy aint all bad I guess. Better than having nothing at all to do. I think. Still.... I yearn for free time.
randomize!!!!!!
The my most favoritest of all television programs ever are as follows: Star Trek TNG, StarGate, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (seasons 1-5), Futurama, Family Guy, Red Dwarf, Iron Chef, Seinfeld, Survivor, The Amazing Race and The X-Files. I think I may sometime create a running list of my favourite things within various media forms, such as TV, movies, books and music. I think that would be a funtastic thing to do, if one had a nice tasty piece of liesure time.
a super speical hello to my friends! Tarek.... whats up man? How goes the constant struggle between a mans exsitentisalist drive to find meaning within life and the crushing soul-obliertating torment that is found at the place we do not speak of? Lorri, have you read anything good recently? Angela, have you written anything good lately (oh Im sure its good :) )?
A more interesting person than I once observed what a strange function sleep is. Imagine for a momemnt, that people did not sleep. And you went and saw some sci fi movie in which people slept. Imagine trying to explain it to your friends. "Okay, so theres these people right. And when the sun goes down they all go lie down on these special platforms, and then they like shut off, and dont move or do anything untill the sun comes back up. And when they are shut down they see places and think they are doing things, but really its all just in their head and none of it acutally exsists!". Thats some weird shit I tells ya.
If anyones interested I would be happy to email you some of the songs Logan and I have made.
I personally have flyered hundreds of cars across the whyte ave area. It was alot of work. So if you got a flyer for a DJ named 'Goldie', and though "what the fuck is this shit?!?!" and crumpled it up and threw it on the ground, I just want to say thanks.
This is how Im spending my computer class.
This is how Im spending my life. |
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| I'LL BE BACK |
[Jul. 26th, 2004|09:10 pm] |
This journal used to be something. One day again it will be something... probably once I start school.
But for now, it will be nothing. |
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| a wee daft cunt |
[May. 31st, 2004|12:46 pm] |
Wow. Uh... well, lots has happened. So much in fact Im not really sure where to begin. Too many thigns, too many ideas. Too many posts not made.
In fact, too much for me to want to really even want to start.
I quit my job and it was good (quitting that is, not the job). However, it was kinda strange. A very abrupt thing. I called in sick for 3 days in a row, then on the 3rd I got a new job and quit. It was a bit fucked up... I spent 1 and 1/2 years in that place, then I left without even saying goodbye to most of the people I worked with. I really didnt have much of an oppurtunity, cause I made the decision to quit that same day I actually did, so I didnt even know my last at work was my last day when it happened.
Thats my only really regret. Actually, really, while I will miss a few people, like Cory and Terri Lynn, the only person I really really regret leaving was Logan. I really like Logan, he is definetly one of the most interesting people Ive met in a while. We use to laugh alot and have a pretty good time, considering we were working. I do have his number, and Ive called him, but Im bad a keeping contact with people unless its already been well established.
I dont want to lose him as a friend. I will try not to let that happen.
But still, overall quitting was fucking fantastic. Quite empowering. I hated my job, so I just fucking quit. You can bitch all you want and complain all you want, but you aint saying shit unless you do something about it. So I did. It was a really good feeling, to take control over my life and my situation, to just go ahead and make a drastic change like that. And it was pretty drastic, computer service to landscaping.
Yeah. Still, I feel kinda like with all the work Ive been doing Ive been forgetting stuff, people. I feel a bit unresolved, and I think that may be due to the way I left some people at convergys.
Oh well. Shit happens. People move on, life moves on. There has recently been people I didnt want to lose as friends, and while I didnt really lose them, I didnt really keep them either.
I wish I had an entire week, to make the social rounds. Ive found myself with multiple pockets of friends and Ive found Ive had a hard time giving some of them my time.
Well, considering how longs its been, this is a pretty uninspiring entry. Whatever. |
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| Bitching about my job |
[May. 5th, 2004|12:26 pm] |
Its been difficult adjusting to this new position. Taking calls. Talking... to people!!!.
I dont know. I find Im very anxious at work, and when I think about work. I just get stressed, and worry that I cant handle it. I mean, I think I can, kinda, mabey. I just get stressed about the possibilities. Its too much uncertainty, too much to worry about.
I hope this passes. I really do. I dont want to feel so strongly adverse to my job. I mean, I didnt like my job before, but thats cause I wanted to be doing other things. Now I just really dont want to do my job, my actual job. I would be happier working elsewhere, but Im not sure where Im gonna find anything that pays quite as well.
I could always go back to road construction, but then I wouldnt have time to MC, and thats become to important to me to give up.
*sigh*
Fucking 'ell. I keep abusing the system and popping outside for extra smokes. Which is no good because I have ambitions on quitting. But I just cant take it. Sitting here, waiting for a call, waiting for it to happen. I get this sharp noise in my ear, then a voice says "Security Key" and then I gotta jump on with "Thank you for calling Yahoo! Security Key, my name is Dan, can I have your name please?". Then from that moment, anything could happen. It could go good, and 90% of calls do... or it could all go horribly wrong.
I mean, my position isnt even one of the more difficult phone positions. Its just the problem of being so unsure of whats gonna happen.
blech! Its just a very stressful pace of work to adjust to after being so chilled out at work for the last year.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Me want go home. |
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| Update! |
[Apr. 30th, 2004|07:19 pm] |
Alright. So... whats going on?
I guess mabey I should answer that question. Currently? Nothing. Well, not nothing, I mean anything is something and something is not nothing, so neither myself nor anyone could really be doing nothing. I mean, even just sitting around is something. Exsisting is something.
Sometimes, if I still very still for a really long time, I think Ive figured out the secret to exsistence: exsisting. Really. Just sitting around exsisting. Input energy, output waste. Wake up, then go back to sleep, then wake up again. It seems... I dunno. Its hard to explain... sometimes I can get the feeling that the human brain is some sort of twisted abomonation. A good idea gone wrong. Too much going on it in. Well not for some, but for me, yes. Things would be easier if I was an idiot. And I mean like, vegatative, blank stare kinda idiot, not just "Joe the dirt farmer" kinda idiot. Things would defintely be easier, but would they be better? that Im not so sure about.
When I look at things like plants, I think they probably got it right. "Well, weve clawed our way through billions of years of evolution, so were just gonna chill the fuck out for the next couple billion".
I wanted to tell some kids today to "chill the fuck out". It would have been hilarious.
"Billy you need to chill the fuck out, and no you cant have your goddamn blanky" |
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junglistjames's journal
frustrated